We would never be able to fully understand ourselves, as most of who we are is purely subconscious. But then, if most of us is subconscious, how could we truly believe that we truly have any control over ourselves? If you don't know or understand the deepest part of yourself, the part that makes you feel as you do, or act as you do.
I oft find myself thinking how I could truly be one person, physically obviously - but mentally? If I'm so often two minded about things. Who is that other voice inside my head that goes against, or disagrees with certain things I do or say? My conscience, that's what religion says, that the voice you hear inside your head is your conscience. But are we our conscience, or is it a entirely separate entity from ourselves? Since we have no control over it? Or rather another aspect of ourselves. I think the human mind is pretty profound if we are able to have two views of the same thing, but some would probably call that nuts.
For a long time, and even now, I find myself constantly fighting with myself, because inwardly I feel like I'm a bitch. But I'm constantly fighting with that part of myself, the part that is willing to crush hopes and dreams, and tell people things they don't really need to hear, but just because it comes to mind. Things that hurt. I don't, well sometimes I do, but I try not to? Blurt out everything that comes to my mind. Because I want to be better.
I don't want to believe that everyone has the root of evil; that that's what humanity is, we're just tainted by society, by our ancestors, by the need to be defensive and rude. Do put up walls, instead of opening doors? To be ruthless instead of vulnerable? Why is being a good person something that's an effort, not something that is natural and effortless?
I'm asking a lot of questions because I'm thinking, you know? Battling with myself, my ideologies, what I want to be, and what I am seen as.
I just want to think before I talk.
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