Love Lost

HER

She lightly touched his shoulder.

The touch was simple, out of sympathy for his lost, but upon touching the soft fabric of his white cotton shirt, she found her hand heavy, remaining there. He looked up, until now, his head had been bowed low, he sat facing the open ocean, and as he looked up at her; his dark black eyes deep and infinitely broken, the wind blew his hair out of his face and he stared. Her hand hadn’t moved, and she felt his gaze lock into hers, it was if they had never known anyone until this moment, as his world connected with hers and she saw every broken crack in his heart, as if it were a shattered mirror. His face was serene, pale and looked like porcelain, but his eyes; his irises went deep, as if going on forever, a deep pool of black that she could not come up for air from. 

She still hadn’t moved her hand, it felt attached to his shoulder; she sat next to him, her hand awkwardly on his shoulder, his head turned awkwardly towards her as he stared deep into her, searching for peace. She knew that she wasn’t his peace, that she was the product of turmoil, but she let his eyes search her, looking through every folder of pained destruction, every moment of passion and every fragment of loneliness. She wondered if he too felt her searching him for a life raft. They were both broken, and lost in a world of ugly truths and lonely nights. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but he said nothing, his lips; pouted and light pink, were parted but nothing came out. She felt herself slowly move her head from left to right, they hadn’t known one another for very long, but she wasn’t going to let him say what she felt. He nodded, and looked back towards the sea, breaking the connection. 

He was frowning now, and she slowly placed her heavy hand back into her lap, they both stared out towards the ocean. She didn’t understand this world, or why it had brought them here, to this impasse, one where they would both leave this funeral and go back to their lives on separate sides of the world. She hadn’t seen him in years until someone they had both loved had died, and she had come to the funeral. After, she had found herself gravitated towards the beach, needing air, needing to get away from the pull of pain, and that’s when she had found him sitting on the wall, staring out towards the beach. She knew that it had been his sister, he still wore the black suit pants, the tie was undone and his hair looked tussled, but he hadn’t cried or said a word, he hadn’t moved at all until she had sat next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

She looked away from the grey water raging below them, there was going to be a storm, but neither of them moved, the cold replaced the pain in their chests. She turned her head and faced him, she hadn’t realized he was looking at her again, he looked pained. She knew she loved him.

HIM

He felt the small hand on his shoulder.

And he turned to face the woman who sat next to him, he hadn’t moved since she had sat down, he had no interest in speaking, he knew that he couldn’t. Her touch had seemed to give him a small amount of energy that allowed him to turn and face her. When they made eye contact, he saw a flicker of surprise flash on her face, he wanted to smile as her mouth formed a slight O, but he couldn’t make his face move. She was beautiful, she had been a friend of his sisters that he had only met once, and he knew that she was married and stayed a far way away. 

Her hand hadn't move from his shoulder. He allowed himself to look deep into her eyes, in a way he had not looked at anybody in a long time, he was trying to find a reason for existence, a reason to carry on being when all he had kept being lost. His heart felt heavy in his chest and her green eyes looked like an open field in the country side. He wanted to dive into the deep green and stay there, comforted by the beauty and light it held. He wondered if he should thank her for coming, but he couldn’t say the words. She shook her head, as if she knew what he was about to say, so he turned back to face the sea, the waves were crashing against the shore; angry. 

He felt her hand move off his shoulder, as she slowly put it back into her own lap, he had liked the feel of her warm skin against the cold of his shoulder, he had felt the current through the cotton and now it was gone. He wondered if it would be easier to walk into the ocean, and have the raging of it blast against his skin, instead of having the raging of oceans inside his chest. He could see himself walking out towards the sea, opening his arms, and greeting it like an old friend as it engulfed him and took him. He turned to face her again to rid himself of the thoughts. She seemed to be deep in thought, her red hair was blowing out towards the back, he knew that the wind would make it knotty, but for now it blew with the wind as if she was a part of the elements. 

He could smell her from where he sat, she smelled of fresh rosemary, of comfort, and he liked that it soothed him. It soothed him, but as she turned to face him, surprised again, he found himself wanting to reach out and trace the freckles on her skin with his fingertips. And he knew that he loved her.

 

They sat like that until the rain started, staring at one another and searching, the first drops came, light at first and then hard, they were both soaked when they knew that it was too late, the connection had to be lost and so they both walked to their separate cars, and went home to their families, neither ever forgetting the other.