Experience

I have only recently realized that there is light in this world, that my world need not be plagued by a darkness so black it holds my soul in it's clutches squeezing out every sense of grace and kindness. That this light, holds me and gives me a sense of purpose and kindness now, that when I am faced with opportunity to be disdainful, un appreciative and unkind, I now rather turn to God, and He allows and wills me to be better.

With the acceptance of light, I am also confronted by the black. One can't accept one of them and not the other. So I am aware of the devil now, creeping into my thoughts and limbs, and willing me to do things that will distract me from the path I want to fulfill.

It is so much easier to give into things of the night, to give into worldly pleasures that give you moments of bliss and highs, but at the end of the day leave you feeling no better, and if anything, worse about yourself. I've experienced these worldly pleasures, the dark desires of what once was my brooding soul, I've experienced these things. When I say things of the night, I am speaking about everything that comes to your mind when I say it, we all find different things pleasurable after all. I have experienced these things, the over use of drugs, and booze, and women's mouths, things that left me vacant and unhinged. I have experienced them, and I have been made whole again and have no intention of turning back to them. But I have no regrets, they have taught me.

I feel guilty now when I crave a high or a drunken state, but I know now that I crave it not for the idea of running away from my tormented soul. But rather just to let go, and enjoy the small things in life. We so easily make things that should be small, our lives. I believe that we are allowed to find pleasure on this earth if we are not abusing it, and holding it above God, we must be thankful and appreciative for what He allows.

The devil exists, evils exist, even in the hearts of those who don't believe in satan, or are followers to him, it even exists in the hearts of those of us following Jesus, and being cleansed in His love. Evil shows in the moments that you are feeling truly horrible, when you want to spew your own venom onto others, to spread your uneasiness, when you are hurting others or hurting yourself. Evil encourages pleasure at the harm of others AND yourself.

There is pleasure in Evil. But there is majesty and love in God. It is up to you to prefer which you want, both of them are waiting for you to take the first step.