Tua semper et in aerternum ero

Nothing I do anymore, is done simply because I need to or want to. I feel a sense of pride and purpose in every action I make in my life, all through His mercy and grace.

When I brush my teeth, I now close my eyes and savor the moment in which not only all the plaque and old food is brushed from my teeth and tongue but rather how now every hurtful and negative thing that slipped between my lips is being washed away bristle by bristle.

When I clean my ears, I am cleaning out every unsavory and bitter thing I had to listen to. Every hurtful word that was endured even though they appeared to fall on deaf ears, every horrid thought I'd had and every painful bit of news I listened to gets taken from my ears.

When I wash my face, I no longer just cleanse my pores but rather clean out the frowns and lying smiles, and replace it with a graceful and altered face, windows washed and gleaming; the light from my soul able to pour from it like the light of the morning sun.

When I wash my hands, I wash the clenching of fists and the need to punch people in the face and replace it with a desire for change and a willingness to write and type the things He has lead me to write. The willingness to hold hands that need strength, and a need to place them over my heart as I ask for mercy.

When I walk, I pray that every step I take is in the right direction, the direction of His choosing, and one that will set me on a path that will evoke my destiny, and my calling in this world.

I lay there and thought about how I no longer have hate in my heart, that it is replaced by a kindness for those who do not understand and know what love means. I've been told over and over again that because I love women it is a sin, and I could never accept that until now, now I accept that they believe I am sinning, but I now feel Christ's love. He allows me to see that who I love should not be bounded, but placed on whom ever I meet and fall in love with, because like His love, mine must be endless and boundless.

I believe that every word I utter, thought I hear, thing I touch has to be in honor of Him. That when I hear things that test my faith, I must simply look up to Him, and say save me from temptation, set me free from this world.

My father use to tell me that my body was a temple and should never be pierced or tattooed, but I now see my piercings and tattoos as an act of adoration, I see it as adorning this temple, to something I love and appreciate as much as He does.

I believe that at the time I got my tattoo, Tua semper et in aerternum ero, I was getting it for someone else. I often thought and joked about the fact that "I belong to you always and forever" was somewhat ambiguous and could mean whatever I'd like it to. And I always thought that maybe when I found Him, it could be for Him. And now it is, because I will belong to God always and forever. He knew even before I did, that I would not always belong to Her. So maybe He was smiling at my ignorance at the time, and now is smiling once again as I realize who it is really for.

Everything you do, is based on the intention that comes with it and I know that He knows my intentions before I even think of them. If you believe who you love, how you love and how you act is in honor of Him, then maybe it is okay. Unless you're harming those around you, and stealing from another's chance at mercy and grace.

I'm a soldier for God, and He has instilled in me the ability to write as my weapon and my ability to think as my shield. I no longer fear this world, but I feel hope in it's ability.

 I love Him. I love Him. I love Him.

My Saviour, Tua semper et in aerternum ero. I belong to You, always and forever.