Trouble in Paradise

12:30

I just woke up, sort of crap actually with my mom hammering on my door, and asking me to go buy bread, and yelling something or other about it being passed twelve already. And then walking to the shop, I was just tripping on life and my purpose, and my things are seemingly good and then the exact opposite, or sometimes seemingly bad and then the opposite. Why can't life and everything around us sort of just be honest? It starts with me, being honest with myself. Realizing that there are things I do not have control over, people I cannot change and voices I cannot pull out of shadows. So here I am now, lying on my bed and about to go back to sleep for a bit, just gonna do a bit of running for the day. My mental exercise, a break from the beautifully overwhelming storm raging in my soul and chest. I definitely am going to say a prayer first though.

16:11

I've woken up with a pounding headache and the need to feed my dogs actually. I feel much better, sleep tends to make the world seem better and I'm thankful that I prayed before I slept because that means my mind didn't dwell on trivial things that are annoying me as much as it usually does. I wish I actually understood why I feel so absolutely off though, but I do think that I'm understanding and taking it in, allowing myself to feel this way, even though I am sleeping through most of it. People get sad okay? Don't forget that, and I'm not actually sad. But people don't always feel great. And that's the problem we have with religion, we expect to remain on that high ALL of the time. But like I said, in Yolo, we have to feel bad sometimes in order to appreciate the good. And that's why I'm okay that my Savior has chosen to urge me to feel this way today. Anyway, about my dogs - I should go do that.

16:46

I've got it. Well atleast I think I do, I'm not a poet, I'm not a novelist but I am a writer. And now and then my words may rhyme, and my metaphors may suggest a brighter-than-sunlight future in novels, but for now. I'm a writer. And that's what I want to be. What God has absolutely given me. I tried showing people what I'd been writing as poetry, the other versions of me? But maybe that part of my writing growth isn't ready for you guys yet okay? Because poetry, that would determine whether or not I was truly free, and was completely and openly honest with you viewing me. So for now, you just get the thoughts and the ramblings, the things that stop me in my tracks and push me into sprints. The words that tumble from my fingers, because my mouths closed. I'm glad I can write, I'm glad I'm willing to write, because we all can, we're just all not inclined to express ourselves through words instead of splats, or swirls.

The point of this entry, is what I've just realized, by the way, this happens so often, where I only figure out the point at the very end. But here's the point: FIND YOUR OUTLET, the one you're comfortable with, the thing you think about doing when you wake up in the morning or when you're lying in the bath. Think of how you can SHOW others what your insides are about.

Remember: Your art is your inward God given grace showing those around you the light of the world.